Unlike my usual high energetic egoistic writings, this might just be a long boring post. With the recent decline in blog hit, I can barely give a shit.
As we grow, we have this perfect image of how we want to be like when we grow up. example. Pussycatdolls want to sing HA HA HA and be famous, Rihanna wanted to let Chris Brown hide under her umbrella. Yada yada.
When I was young, I wanted two things - to be famous, and to be looked up upon..
Now...at 19...I can barely give a shit about these general aspects, instead, I look upon details.
Constantly picking on small details. Whether my fashion is good enough, my maturity, my intelligence ( Don't count on me being book smart, cause I came to conclusion, I don't give a shit if I'm not book smart. ), and for the past 4 years, something that I have focused most on. My game.
After reading so many books on attraction, seduction. Going to seminars, watching online lectures about game, outfield experiment, outfield sarging, outfield training. I can be honest and say... It is about time, I move on with my life.
I see all my Malaysian classmates, schoolmates, whether senior or friends. 90% of them, chase for that loving relationship, that social value when everyone gets excited when one walks into a room, and mostly. Loved by the opposite sex. I'm not trying to sound arrogant here, cause you know how I hate people who brag about their track record in public, So I'm not gona do that.
But, after being ahead of the people I grew up with, in terms of game for a while now, I feel that I need to search for something new in life.
Still, I haven't found a new thing that I stir for, so I end up picking on smaller details in myself, resulting in constant mood swings ( I know, It's unhealthy )
In my own imagination terms, I have already equipped the right amount of players for a successful team, but somehow, there is still one player lacking, the one trade, one personality, that can bring out the best out of everyone / everything. No idea what it is, thus.. I shall continue with my above average, inconsistent success.
Until I find a stable consistent good performance mix from myself, do expect me to have mood swings often.
Can't believe how I just shared the way my mind works with the world...well..since it's just my blog...so its not the world..just..somewhat, 100 plus readers...
Anyway, this month, I have tried a new strategic approach in life, I have became more careful, playing a tight game, picking on every small stuff, paying attention to every small details in people's behavior around me. Still... I feel that I'm still never gona be ahead of the league I'm in Canada now... No offense to Malaysia people..But.... for 19 years old, I'm way more experienced than you guys in Malaysia are. 3 years settling in Canada has been good to me, maybe now is the time, where I start building up the value and worthwhile of my time here.
If you don't understand what I mean, don't bother asking. If you think I'm too arrogant, don't bother shooting. I will always be me, you either like me or you don't.
For now, the lack of success and passion is killing me day by day....
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