Reconstruction.

In a moment of disbelief, as I stare blankly into my exam paper. Upon heading into a hectic week, 5 midterms in 3 days, I have less preparation than Miley Cyrus's dress designer did for the Oscars.
Every time during class, I stare blankly into the abyss that is the blackboard, not knowing what is going on. The only part of me that is mobile are my hands copying the notes,my mind on the other hand, miles away.
I have to say, I envy the nerds in my class, cause I dream one day to share the passion they have for computer science. Not saying that I don't like it, I just have this mentality of....... I have a life.

Look what my computer science coursemates have for their so called "social life". NOTHING.
The day after the Oscars, I went into class... asked my friend what they thought about the Oscars..
The respond I got ? "O...was it yesterday? "
I have to say, it did not come as a surprise. All so often, I have bashed my fellow coursmates in being nerdy, and not having a fun and social life as I do, deep down, I envy them.
I envy them having such passion in studying, preping for an exam, or even down right just going to class and learning.
I really do envy them. Cause, to be honest, I never had that passion.

So it got me thinking, since I was a young age, I have been pampered with love, bias, compliments, downright spoilt by the words stuffed in by any other adult that comes by.
"OOO, UR SON IS SO SMART, UR SON IS SO TALENTED"
that was down right bullshit, LOOK AT ME NOW.
I feel like I am one of the most overated person to walk the earth. Sure, highschool was easy to survive, I did what I did, and I was proud of it. But look at me now, I am here, failing my exams, health diteriating, bad habits. What do I have to backup the hype that surrounded me with since I was young? nothing.

PCD's "when I grow up" was playing today, and it got me thinking, as I was writing my 2nd midterm of the day... ( guess you know how badly I got my ass kicked by the midterm now)
and I noticed something, what do I wana do when I grow up ?
Would you choose to be a handsome actor who plays a doctor on a hit tv show? Or a respectful doctor in real life ? Whats the difference? one is fame, one is respect.
Fame, come and goes / Respect, stays until you destroy it with your own mistakes.

Pussycatdolls - Fame, but respect ? not really.

And I finally understand one very imporant mistake that I've been making all these years.
I chase fame all too often. All too often I put in too much effort in being labeled as the special guy, spending all my times doing stuff mainly to set me apart from the other people I grow up with.
But at the end of the day, I've been there, and I've done that. It is about time to "grow up", and earn respect from other people. Some of you might say, me not trying to be a show off is near impossible. I shall correct you there, it IS impossible.
I am still going to be the attention seeking whore that I am, just this time, I'm changing my way of getting it. This time, I shall go from the respect angle.
It's about time I stop playing like Arsenal - Beautiful football, no goals.
Time to play like my team, Man utd - Effective football.

So I will now dedicate more time on my studies and my accomplishment, preparing myself for the working world. The fame and attention player, is going to sit on a bench for a change.

It's not going to be easy, but that's what makes "respect" all so rare and worth it.



I leave you readers with a quote tat I made up.

There is no crime in being ugly, no crime in failure, no crime in losing.
It is a crime if you don't want to become better.